Archive for the 'Humor' Category

Fast Roping Basics.

June 3rd, 2010 by xformed

Yeah…keep this in mind next time you look out the door.

H/T: Abu Muqawama

Category: Humor, Military, Military History | Comments Off on Fast Roping Basics.

Does Your Blog's Mouth Need a Scrubbing?

May 11th, 2009 by xformed

The Blog-O-Cuss Meter - Do you cuss a lot in your blog or website?
Created by OnePlusYou – Free Online Dating

C’mon, MilBloggers…you know you want to know…

Here?  Save your soap for dKos…. of geodon effects side Blast from the Past divx Wasabi dvd

The Chumscrubber

Home Alone 3

Battant, Le dvdrip

Category: Humor | Comments Off on Does Your Blog's Mouth Need a Scrubbing?

My "Famous" Last Words?

December 1st, 2008 by xformed

Sure, if I plagerize someone (or copy and paste their work)…


Your Famous Last Words Will Be:

RoboCop: Prime Directives psp



“Look ma! No hands!”

Sharpshooter dvdrip

What Will Your Famous Last Words Be? Napoleon Dynamite release

Cool Hand Luke trailer

West

Category: Humor | Comments Off on My "Famous" Last Words?

Charles Johnson: Violater of Blogger Labor Laws?

September 20th, 2008 by xformed

Come on…go with me there…this is a shameless effort to get lots of Lizard hits, or…could it be BREAKING NEWS?

Over four years ago, in the BR (Before Rathergate) era of Little Green Footballs (hereinafter referred to as “LGF”), I regularly read the Blogging of Charles, and the comments sections. Back then, you could actually read the entire comments section in a single session and not have to take two bathroom breaks and stop to have one meal, and somehow do your work without interrupting your sleep.

Then…CBS and Dan Rather tried to “rather” not have President Bush re-elected. Charles caught them in their own effort to change the will of the people and, as a result, readership (and comments) climbed through the roof of the sitemetering software. Comments ran in to the many hundreds on any particular post, and ones that were part of a dialog between commenters became more difficult to follow, sometime causing readers to exacerbate their repetitive stress injuries with scrolling up and down several screens, just to follow the discussion.

The best part of LGF was reading “news” and not hearing it for 3-4 days in the dinosaur media. It was like a secret window into what was really happening in the world! I often chuckled, even when the conservative talk show hosts discussed such “news” and were “time late.” Charles, I thought, had developed a most excellent pipeline of data to keep us at the forefront of all that was fit to read.  Whatever he was doing, he was running ahead of the pack so far they didn’t konw how far ahead hes was.

Then, readers would post interesting links in their comments. I did to. Charles, would sometimes pick them up and create entire posts of them, and the depositor would gain world wide recognition via the “hat tip” (or “h/t” for short) method.

The beauty of this system was those readers who had professional, academic, or significant hands on experience would add to the posts, either with confirmation, clarity, or calling a “line” for what it was. And, guess what? Charles now had a “Lizard Army” as “subject matter experts” at his beck and call. He addicted us….and we were eager to help out, making the cutting edge, the very finest.

It was exciting time, when the LGF site became a hotbed of citizen journalist who almost always skunked “the PROFESSIONALS!” at the labor for which “they” had the pieces of lambskin saying they could change the world, while we common working people, how dare was be audacious in pointing out they had it wrong?  We did…byt the hundreds, then thousands of posts.  A unique place, this LGF site became, with debunking of steel not melting, photoshopped picutres and the Green Helmet Guy from Pallywood.

But, earlier this year, something changed.  Charles figured out (I may be able to recreate the 1967 memo of it, too) that he could get blogger to scour the web and local news sources and then post hundreds of links a day, and all he had to do was sedate us readers with such trivial thinks like rounded corners on the log in input boxes and Ajaxified comments sections.  He began to spend less time being the guy who found the breaking news, and subtly he left that task to the “lizards.”  We came and multiplier.  We hammer the bandwidth with more and more and more links.

The squirrels…Oh, THE HUMANITY!  We’re fortunate PETA hasn’t mounted a major full frontal assault on the server farm, for the findings of the legless creatures would certainly tear our hearts apart.   Zombie might even have to go and capture the events to post digitally…

It used to be the routine, for an east coast resident like myself, to anxiously await about 11:30AM each day, to begin lunch early and see what the “new” day brought at LGF, from then until the mid-evening, the pages filled with amazing storied of stupid Democrat ideas, malfeasance of the MSM, how some blogger had trumped the people too pure to mingle with people who might actually have life experience to get the facts straight…but, als, it is not to be any longer.

Charles, surrounded by tomes discusing PHP, SQL, AJAX,  can barely managed an “Open Post”post byt 12:30 Eastern now.  Sometimes it’s later.  It is akin to the mom tossing open the back door and hollaring at all the kids to “get out there and play! The sun is shining and you need fresh air!  DON’TYOUDAREKILLEACHOTHEREITHER!” as she settles in to watching the afternoon soaps  With her tray of bon bons, she parks for a few hours of aimless “entertainment.”

Lizards now send in links and they maybe get a post, 1 out of every 40-50 or so, maybe a day later than the link input, and not even a freaking “H/T” to be found anymore.

But what are we to do?  Charles has seduced us into diligently, without pay, benefits, or the most awesome “H/T: XXXXXX” recognition, submitting links from about the globe, to feed his insatiable desire to rule an empire, the one to overtake the every degrading MSM.  He has constructed a tools, unlike any other, that mesmerizes us into a stupified state, but needing more.

I say Charles has stepped over the line!  He needs to be brought forward on charges of willfully, and by conspiratorial methods, of violating Blogger Labor Laws!

Say it wth me:  “I WILL NOT BE BOUGHT BY ICONIC REDESIGN!”

Oh, heck, if you’re read this far, I just had fun with this.  In four some years, LGF has become something special.  The best part is, it’s unique and he owes the development to no one, so they can’t come along and reclaim their product.

A Mysterylaska ipod

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory film

Maradona by Kusturica film

Category: Humor | Comments Off on Charles Johnson: Violater of Blogger Labor Laws?

One for the Bubbleheads to Ponder

January 13th, 2008 by xformed

Found in an un-named SWO forum: Why it’s better to work at MacDonald’s than on a Sub:

1) No McORSE
2) If you have to take a piss, you can go take a piss. No questions asked.
3) You’ll never have to go port and starboard on the fryer.
4) Better pay.
5) The sun.
6) Air.
7) The boxes of food at McDonald’s aren’t stamped “Rejected by Hardee’s” or “Not fit for human consumption”.
8) Cool The ability to call in sick.
9) The ability to quit.
10) McDonald’s doesn’t get their uniforms from the same company as the state penitentiary.
11) McDonald’s doesn’t deploy.
12) They have actual janitors.
13) No McDrills.
14) The grill breaks, you CALL someone to fix it.
15) At least your boss accepts that he’s a clown.
16) No McResin Discharge.
17) No all night hydro on the fryer.
18) Cool One word: overtime.
19) Every day is slider day!
20) At McDonald’s, you will never, EVER, worry about being put in prison for ten years because you told your wife what the secret sauce is.
21) They pay you for training.
22) You’ll never die a horrible, excruciating death from the crush depth implosion of a McDonald’s.
23) No steam piping.
24) No time at McDonald’s will you hear your boss give a thirty minute dissertation over the P.A. on the importance of being at the register 15 minutes early.
25) They won’t ask you about Taco Bell operations on the advancement test.
26) You get to leave work EVERY day at the end.
27) McDonald’s will eventually fire the really stupid employees.
28) Cool Two words: Happy Meals.
29) McDonald’s doesn’t look like a big black turd.
30) Grimace doesn’t do Vulcan Death Watches.
31) McDonald’s has a slide out back.
32) To do something at McDonald’s, you look at the color coded chart, not OP umpty-squat, chapter whatever, reference 3, ACN B, rev 17.
33) If McDonald’s catches fire, you LEAVE.
34) No McSmall Valve Maintenance.
35) No McCOB.
36) Leaving McDonald’s in an emergency doesn’t require a steinke hood and a lot of praying.
37) The coffee’s better.
38) Cool Someone else makes the water.
39) You don’t have to live there to work there.
40) The only cones come from the ice cream machine.
41) McDonald’s doesn’t go into dry-dock. (again and again)
42) ALL the tests are multiple choice.
43) Their TV commercials are a lot cooler.
44) Three words: Sea Foam Green.
45) Stock in McDonald’s is worth something. The Navy is a part of an operation that is 6 trillion dollars in the hole.
46) Special sauce isn’t “hand made”.
47) No McBilges to clean.
48) Cool Opening for business doesn’t require a full day of preparations and everyone to show up for a brief at 0230.
49) Three words: Stupid ass hats.
50) Personnel inspection requirements are written on the door. (No shirt, no shoes, no service)
51) At McDonald’s, dislocating your shoulder is not considered getting the good deal.
52) McDonald’s never had an accident that cause a person to be stuck to the ceiling impaled on a french fry. (i.e.. No Mc-SL1)
53) Because you deserve a break today.
54) Even the little Hamburglar is cooler than a goat.
55) Mayor McCheese doesn’t wield a righteous thumb of indignation.
56) You can choose which McDonald’s you want to work at.
57) If you want to buy your boss a beer, that’s okay.
58) Cool If you want to tell your boss to screw off, that’s okay too.
59) There is no Uniform Code of McDonald’s Justice to deal with.
60) The news comes from USA Today, not Ric Crawford, GS-12.
61) No one will rack you out at 0200 in the morning to start the grill.
62) Chances of you getting called back after you get off work are pretty darn slim.
63) Putting the pickle on the hamburger doesn’t require an QA-34 and a signature to be used against you in a court of law, should they want you.
64) The only guy in a silly yellow suit is Ronald.
65) How many McDonald’s were sunk in W.W.II?
66) Fixing the register doesn’t require a rubber room and a rope man.
67) Nothing on the menu contains the phrases, “Horse cock” or “baboon ass”.
68) Cool At McDonald’s, the riders would have to leave at closing time.
69) $2.99 is a meal price, not a daily wage at McDonald’s.
70) You don’t have to go single register operations if someone spills a Coke.
71) McDonald’s doesn’t require a 24 hour Shutdown Register Operator and McRoving Watch.
72) McDonald’s doesn’t call your house at 0530 in the morning blaring some awful antiquated song about a bugler just to wake you up.
73) No McRadcon.
74) At McDonald’s, your boss will never make you drive him around for two and a half months so he can spy on Wendy’s.
75) You will never be locked in for 24 hours pretending to operate everything. (i.e. no McFastcruise)
75.5) You don’t have to come in to work at 0700 only to wait around for an hour waiting for your boss to tell you things you already know.
76) At McDonald’s you will never hear, “Shake machine troubleshooting team, and all off watch drink makers, lay aft.”
77) No McGMT.
78) Cool At McDonald’s you don’t have to route a 1250 for a new stack of cups.
79) If you burn a hamburger they won’t take away half a month’s pay for two months and restrict you to the playground.
80) Knowledge of the material of construction and variable operating characteristics of the grill are not prerequisites for operation.
81) You don’t have to take apart the shake machine once a quarter just because.
82) You don’t have to share your bed with two coworkers.
83) You don’t have to shave off your goatee when the district manager comes.
84) At McDonald’s, when the toilet clogs, you don’t rig pressurized air to the head.
85) You don’t have to shut everything off and call in the last shift to start the grill.
86) Early in the morning, you don’t cycle the drink machine on and off just for practice.
87) You scrub the floors because it’s dirty, not because it’s Wednesday.
88) Cool There is almost always plenty of parking. If not, drive through.
89) Don’t like what you got? Take it back.
90) You don’t have to take a turbidity prior to putting a new catsup dispenser on service.
91) Failure of the warming oven door to open is not a panic causing event. It will also not preclude you from starting another fryer or pulling the fries out of the vat due to interlock.
92) No Mc-HPACs.
93) No one hates it so bad they refer to it simply as “The Mac”.
94) No 16 hour days at McDonald’s prototype making burgers in the middle of the desert for no one.
95) If you wipe up a ketchup spill at McDonald’s, you don’t have to let it dry before you throw it away.
96) They won’t secure one of the register operators to keep track of the people going into Burger King.
97) You don’t have to have permission from the Manager, Assistant Manager, and Register Operator before going into the freezer.
98) Cool At McDonald’s, the toilet paper stays in the bathroom, not on the dinner table.
99) You don’t have to completely undress to pinch a loaf.
100) ALL of the articles of the Constitution apply to you at McDonald’s.

Category: "Sea Stories", Humor, Military, Navy | Comments Off on One for the Bubbleheads to Ponder

Sometimes, Too Much Information Gets You…

December 23rd, 2007 by xformed

…P’wned!

Check that post out about an airline passenger, iPhone equipped, who thought he knew what’s up…

H/T: Midwatch Cowboy

Category: Humor, Technology | 2 Comments »

Sighted 12/05/2007

December 8th, 2007 by xformed

On the back window of a van in front of me:

“Witches: Not just for burning anymore”

Category: Bumper Stickerisms, Humor | Comments Off on Sighted 12/05/2007

Did Truman Lie?

November 20th, 2007 by xformed

Take a break. Get over to LGF and read the article, but have fun with the comments…

Makes you wonder…was Pearl Harbor an “inside job?”

Category: Humor, Public Service | Comments Off on Did Truman Lie?

Entropy and Irony: At a Few Levels

November 3rd, 2007 by xformed

One one level, it’s a cheap way for the Navy to horn in on the USAF contract for the purchase of the F-22 Raptor airframe.

At another level, it shows a disconnect between society and the understanding of our military.

But…its’ sorta like being able to “zap” an AF jet with the bad manners and planning to land on a Naval location, only we’re imprinting the youth of America with the right model of the real aviators!

Category: Air Force, Entropy and Irony, Humor, Military, Navy, Public Service | Comments Off on Entropy and Irony: At a Few Levels

Brings a Whole New Meaning to “Embrace the…”

October 22nd, 2007 by xformed

SUX.

After Fight, Airport Embraces SUX Code
AP
Posted: 2007-10-22 11:37:56
Filed Under: Nation News
SIOUX CITY, Iowa (Oct. 21) – City leaders have scrapped plans to do away with the Sioux Gateway Airport’s unflattering three-letter identifier – SUX – and instead have made it the centerpiece of the airport’s new marketing campaign.

The code, used by pilots and airports worldwide and printed on tickets and luggage tags, will be used on T-shirts and caps sporting the airport’s new slogan, “FLY SUX.” It also forms the address of the airport’s redesigned Web site – www.flysux.com.

Sioux City officials petitioned the Federal Aviation Administration to change the code in 1988 and 2002. At one point, the FAA offered the city five alternatives – GWU, GYO, GYT, SGV and GAY – but airport trustees turned them down.
[…]

Talk about making lemonade out of lemons…

Heh!

Category: Humor | Comments Off on Brings a Whole New Meaning to “Embrace the…”

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